I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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