Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
