God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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