is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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