I look better un-naked...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
