i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize