I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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