Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Non-Jews are for practice
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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