As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
