I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
