You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize