he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
