You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
