I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
