I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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