Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
