she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize