hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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