I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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