Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
