Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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