first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
