I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
