don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
