I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will be naked everywhere
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
