Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
