Grow some girl-balls and come out already
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
