I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
