hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
