census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
