I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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