Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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