We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
