i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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