after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she peed on how many people?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
