Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
