none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
