Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
