I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
