so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
