Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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