im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
