my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
