thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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