o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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