I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry about my life...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
