I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
