Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
