She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
