Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
