I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize