so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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