Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
