Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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