I want you more than these girls want KFC
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize