he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
