Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
