tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
