You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Randomize