Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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