look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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