ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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