I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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