my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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