Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
