I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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