I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
