Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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