Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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