I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Success! We fucked roommates!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
